I have great Spectrum friends and we have fortnightly family get-togethers that are huge fun. We understand each other’s body language; eye-contact is not a problem nor is bluntness and honesty in conversation. I wish I had read it about 15 years ago, before I married my husband in 2000. I am a physician myself who has worked with many children with DD and have also been reading every book I could find on the subject since I realized Aspergers was likely the cause of my husband's odd behaviors.
We make allowances for each other's sensory difficulties and can tell if the other is uncomfortable, and why.• Anonymous said… I feel that all my time is spent on how I can make things better for my husband to cope with life. For a long time I thought it was his upbringing --with selfish, distant parents, or me, that he wasn't in love with me, or I was too emotional and needy.
Men with AS often have some of the following traits, but they will vary in both number and level of severity from person to person: 1.
A special interest (e.g., coin collecting) is common in males with AS, and this may be something they have pursued for years.
However, even if they have the same qualifications as “typical” males, they may not find a job as easily due to a deficit in social skills. Sensory difficulties may mean that the AS man does not like seams in clothing or labels in shirts.
) I have told him I am sure I want a divorce and his main concern, appropriately, is that he gets enough time with our 6 year old daughter.
Inappropriately, he has suggested I sleep on the couch and let him come to the home for visits, have him continue to live here but in the basement room, and has had coffee to discuss the divorce with a divorced father with whom we are only distantly acquainted through our children in the same neighborhood.
Yet I am the one that has to handle everything and there is never someone there to help me. For a long time I pushed aside my friends when it came to social outings since my husband always seemed so awkward at these events. I see that I am responsible for my own anger and resentment and criticism, and the response it has provoked in him. But I also see that he will never be someone who will hug me spontaneously, kiss my cheek when I am crying, grab my hand when we are walking, look me in the eyes and truly understand emotionally what I am going through. He doesn't like to make eye contact, unless it's an overly direct, almost aggressive stare, and pulls away quickly after a stiff hug.
I have started going to things by myself which may sound rude but at least I feel alive!!!! Not sure I can live with that in a husband, although I can love him as the wonderful father of my child that he is. He is very intelligent in some ways, especially about mechanical and electrical things and political topics, and oddly off base about very basic aspects of pleasant human interaction.